well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
