he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
