the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
