Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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