so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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