just tell him i said nine months
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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