tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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