FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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