My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
