even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
