Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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