My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
