Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She said her name was "party"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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