I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We are two peas in an std pod
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
