that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
