Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
