Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
