Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
