...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize