yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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