"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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