were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Mom said you looked used
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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