My hand turned me down
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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