New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
