Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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