I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
