I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
