so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize