Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.