I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.