Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.

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(404): I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced. http://tfl.nu/ok17

Replies (23) Good night (5015) Bad night (544)
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(434): View more from Virginia

the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.

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(434): the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit. http://tfl.nu/vjaf

Replies (36) Good night (4868) Bad night (647)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.

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(508): Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated. http://tfl.nu/vtpc

Replies (40) Good night (1375) Bad night (3644)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?

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(651): Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag? http://tfl.nu/dgvl

Replies (16) Good night (1260) Bad night (3276)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.

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(267): Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup. http://tfl.nu/dysq

Replies (10) Good night (3094) Bad night (843)
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(614): View more from Ohio

You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?

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(614): You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right? http://tfl.nu/6ebj

Replies (10) Good night (3034) Bad night (1022)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.

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(615): The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror. http://tfl.nu/nl5c

Replies (5) Good night (1387) Bad night (992)
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(785): View more from Kansas

They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.

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(785): They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon. http://tfl.nu/wb9r

Replies (6) Good night (2301) Bad night (598)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.

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(204): We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day. http://tfl.nu/b3rk

Replies (15) Good night (3786) Bad night (621)
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(209): View more from California

Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing

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(209): Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing http://tfl.nu/4pbh

Replies (10) Good night (1392) Bad night (754)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin

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(608): Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin http://tfl.nu/qc7j

Replies (5) Good night (952) Bad night (485)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.

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(603): I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment. http://tfl.nu/fbcm

Replies (1) Good night (839) Bad night (424)
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(707): View more from California

People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.

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(707): People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex. http://tfl.nu/ihmc

Replies (3) Good night (847) Bad night (268)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!

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(614): I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit! http://tfl.nu/68by

Replies (3) Good night (685) Bad night (448)
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(407): View more from Florida

He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.

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(407): He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar. http://tfl.nu/i3q4

Replies (3) Good night (239) Bad night (931)

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