we're chasing vodka with high fives
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....