Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.