Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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