It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize