I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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