True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
