you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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