He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i drank out of a bidet.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
