His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
