I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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