Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
