I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize