I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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