Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize