a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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