She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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