does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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