CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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