I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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