i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
