just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
