I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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