I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
