Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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