If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
