omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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