You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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