There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
