i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize