You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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