And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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