Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
