Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
