woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
