Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
