you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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