i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
