Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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