Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
