I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
