My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
