Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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