I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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