Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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