She said her name was "party"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
