My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
